And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
