We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
