i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
