dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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