Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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