Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
