; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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