My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
