how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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