We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
