Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
