oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I deserve this hangover.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
