i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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