I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
