smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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