3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
bring money and cleavage
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
