so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
