Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
