Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
