I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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