I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
