I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
