She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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