just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
