Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
