you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
