She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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