Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
