Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
