i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
