I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
