Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
