I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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