mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
