i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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