i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
