booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
