The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just found puke in my bra..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
