Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
