I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
