I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
