I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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