well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
