She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
