I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
