The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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