I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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