ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
