Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
