Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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