So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
