i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
