Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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