Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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