well you can't waste a boner
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
