We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
