im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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