Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
